Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Hebrews 13:7

The more I think about this passage the more I realize that "good theology" is only good when it leads to obedience. Orthodoxy is only meaningful if it leads to "orthopraxy." When the author of Hebrews tells us to "consider the outcome of their way of life" he is saying pay attention to what they DO. Not just what they say. What they DO reveals what they really believe. It is only after we have considered the OUTCOME the results of their actions that we are to "imitate their faith" which means to adopt their beliefs.

Unfortunately, too many times we get this backwards. We flock to those who say the right words with a slick and engaging presentation but pay little attention to the outcome of their way of life. The modern church in America is guilty of doing this in regards to leadership. Why? Because the American church adopted the American industrial/business model of leadership instead of following scripture. Instead of faithfulness to God and to Gospel, leadership is about results and only results.

Even though the outcome has resulted in burnout after burnout, every kind of moral failure there is, and an overabundance of narcissistic personalities who are convinced of their own superiority on all things, the church persists in following a worldly model for leadership. I say worldly because this model emphasizes, lives and dies by, GROWING UP LEADERS. Everything is about finding, growing, and multiplying leaders. This builds incredible organizations, but is NOT found anywhere in scripture. It isn't even based on Godly Principles. It is based solely in producing structures that get results as quickly as possible.

See, this is the problem. There is not one place in scripture where the Church is told to "develop" leaders. Why? Leadership is God's domain. HE CHOOSES HIS LEADERS from among his disciples. The problem is that we are horrible at choosing leaders and God does not like it when we try to do His job. When Israel chose their own leader it was a train wreck.

We are called and commanded to MAKE DISCIPLES of the Lord Jesus Christ who OBEY. But, the American business church would rather build organizations that grow into MegaChurches than make disciples who obey. So, we ignore passages like Hebrews 13:7 that says "consider the outcome of their way of life."

If we truly consider the outcome of the way of life of the American business church we find leaders who are narcissistic, arrogant, selfish, mean spirited, aggressive, immoral, and without Grace. Everything American business requires. Pastors under this model routinely burn out, self-destruct, or just walk away because it has "a form of Godliness, but denies it's power." (2 Tim 3:5) Why would anyone want to imitate the faith of someone like that?

The power of God is not found in developing great organizations and structures that ensure consumer driven people attend. The Power of God is found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and obedience to Him. Yet, what we see is way too many churches and leaders are more interested in building successful organizations than they are in building successful disciples.

Are you in church leadership? What is more important to you? Attendance or obedience? I'm not saying attendance isn't important. I am asking which is MORE IMPORTANT? The ironic thing is that obedience will ultimately lead to attendance because mature disciples will engage in the Great Commission. But, the opposite is not true. Attendance does not equal obedience, yet, if you are of the Business Church Model, most of your time is spent focusing on structures, organizations, and developing "leaders."

Imagine what would happen if we took all that energy and put it towards making disciples whose "outcome of their way of life" was worthy of imitation. Instead of churches repeatedly trying to recover from another pastoral burnout, extramarital affair scandal, shady business dealings, or just the basic narcissist that is attracted to the business church model, we could have churches that showed the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You know, the stuff worthy of imitation.

Into and Out of the Fire.

So, here I am in 2021. I haven't posted anything since March of 2015. Why? Well, for one, I decided nobody was really paying attention and grew discouraged. I also moved out of Amarillo, TX to Spokane, WA in January of 2016. I spent 4 1/2 years in Spokane and it was a nightmare. 

NIGHT...MARE. 

In my time in Washington I dealt people who were absolute narcissistic abusers who, it seemed, had only one mission in life: to destroy anyone who wouldn't agree with them 100% of the time. I was metaphorically stabbed in the back by people who professed their friendship to me more times than I could count in those 4 1/2 long years. The hard part, was these people were pastors, servants, and professed Christians in the church I was serving in. These were the people who, at least on the surface, pretended to care about people. We also had to deal with horrible people outside of the church who were certifiably insane and very vindictive. 

If you've never had to deal with a truly narcissistic and vindictive person who pretends to be a Christian count yourself lucky. They are evil. Not just broken people who need Jesus, but pure evil. They are what Jude refers to as "waterless springs." I now understand very clearly what the Apostle Paul meant when he said "I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock;" We have a real enemy who only seeks to steal, kill, and destroy and he will use fake /deceived Christians to do immense damage to people personally. 

When I say personally, I mean it. I do not mean a simple philosophical disagreement, or unfair criticism. I mean an outright assault on the foundations of your identity, self-worth, and faith. If you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse, you know what I am talking about. I have had to rethink, recommit, and find my faith again after everything that happened from 2016-2020. Things were so bad that I actually welcomed and benefitted from the Covid lockdown in 2020 because it allowed me time away from toxic people before God graciously heard my cry and allowed us to leave Spokane, WA.

So now I find myself writing on this blog again after a 5+ year absence. Why? I think catharsis and inspiration. The emotional toll was real. The scars are real. The deep personal changes are very real and I am still navigating exactly what those are. I know I am not the same person I was. Something has fundamentally shifted inside me. Something died. A part of me died and I trust God enough to say it probably needed to die, but this kind of death always has a steep personal price. 

I'm not so much trying to put the pieces back together as I am trying to figure out what is still there, and to identify the new things God is doing. I know those pieces will not go back together, nor do I want them to. I also know I cannot live fruitfully for Jesus without finding the new life that always emerges from experiences like this. 

I guess in the coming weeks and months I am going to write more about what God is doing in my own heart as a way of coming out of such a difficult season as faithfully as I can. One thing I know, God was with me when I went in and He is still there as I come out of that season. He is faithful and I am grateful for that, but I also learned a lot more about fearing God. But, that is a discussion for later.